florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen
keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe
jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess
harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s
lorde: 1920′s flapper era
hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE
john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would
paul rudd: newest to the immortal club, didn’t age past the 1990′s
I feel like this list is forgetting Sir Patrick Stewart who I believe has not aged since 7000 BCE.. After all his twin brother was the Kennewick man..
as a self-appointed expert on Hozier, i would say that date is possibly accurate.
many of Hozier’s songs reference being buried in the earth (In a Week, Work Song), and some are directly inspired by bog bodies (Like Real People Do, Run). two of the most famous Irish bog bodies, Old Croghan Man and Clonycavan Man, are dated between 392 and 175 BCE, and both are speculated to have been kings ritually sacrificed to the goddess of the land. in Take Me to Church, Hozier demonstrates a willingness to offer sacrifices to a goddess, and in Foreigner’s God, he thinks fondly upon the image of a pre-Christian Ireland (“when the land was God-less and free”). as well, Old Croghan Man is estimated to have been about 6′6, and Hozier is about 6′5.
the only possible flaw in this theory is that in a Facebook Q&A (here at 5:28), Hozier says that he is over 3000 years old. 400 BCE only puts him at ~2400. it could be that after so many years he’s lost track of how many thousands, but another possibility is that he is more contemporaneous with an older bog body, the Cashel Man, also presumed to be a sacrificed king. that would put him closer to 4000 than 3000, but again, we could forgive an immortal for getting his millenia wrong.
in any case,
it seems likely to me that Hozier is an ancient Irish king who was ritually sacrificed to the old gods, but somehow returned (possibly through intervention by said old gods) to give us music subtly hinting at his experiences.
this hozier addition is frighteningly detailed and I’m here for it
this is why old ppl never realize what they’re saying when they say “when i was your age i payed for my tuition all by myself” yeah well sorry susan my tuition is $35,000 a year and i make $7 an hour
i would die for every sweet ditzy woman on earth. every time some gross man makes fun of a ditzy woman im like ill kill you. i will literally fucking kill you. her life is objectively worth more than yours
mother mother is a top tier band bc what other music perfectly encapsulates the experience of having a mental breakdown in the middle of a field that’s somehow basked in the glow of neon lights
